My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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