I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
