got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
