we have officially lost it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
