I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
