is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
