my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im part way to drunk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
