we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
