i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
