you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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