I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
