So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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