Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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