my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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