I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
