You just made me feel so damn special
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
