Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
