Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
