Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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