I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He did a backflip because drugs
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