We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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