I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
