he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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