am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
