Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
