She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
