I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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