How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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