He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
