youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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