then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
