I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
