i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
