It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
