my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
