you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
