I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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