New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
