HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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