i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
