I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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