you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The uberlube is also flammable
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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