All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
