Having a random hookup so left but love u
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
