drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
