Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
