I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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