I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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