i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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