We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
