it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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