...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
True strength comes from lack of pants
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
