I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
