An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
